Reckoning

Well today was my day to finally see what all my changes really were trying to say. I am not a child. Adult hood has been forced upon me by mysterious forces of this world (not really that mysterious). Trying to turn back is only like trying to shrink a few inches. You can try and all you will do is hurt yourself. Today was my day to realize that being an adult meant nothing more than I had to take care of my stuff. My life my money my plans my time. It was all in my hands and to drop one thing is not an option. As a child I faced all of these items but as an adult I face them all everyday. I can still be fun loving and live just as exciting a life but my pace and approach must change. I must keep my life in order so that I can easily do all the fun things. I must be responsible so that when I am enjoying something I don't have a looming feeling. I must make decisions that reflect my goals and wants of the short term and long term. It is a challenge but one that is perfectly doable. I just have to remove the childish things. Things like not keeping my room clean or keep myself in shape. those things seem silly but really make a world of difference. If I keep up with those things they are one less thing making to prevent my selfish pleasure decisions from feeling good. They will make my escapes not feel like I am running from something but running to something. Its never fun to run away from scary things. Its most enjoyable to run to good things like the ice cream truck. Running from wild dogs is much less enjoyable.