Friday, November 2, 2012

How we grieve

How to we grieve?

We rationalize.

When we rationalize we are grasping for an answer that excuse us of guilt and possibly even let us think that there was nothing to do for it. This allows us ease because there can be no regret. We try and make light that we did the right thing.

Sadly I know that to a degree the right steps have been taken to fixing my problems even though others could have been taken. A path was chosen though the way it was because there were two people. That is the difficulty of relationships but you must compromise. I am fine that I had to compromise, that is the least bothersome to me. What I do hate are the issues that drove us to this. We made young people mistakes and once we realized it we needed a break. I got that, but now the thing is who knows. Love was cut off because of mistakes independent really of the relationship. Yes I know that if the relationship is miss used or abused it is not a good relationship. I don't feel it was miss used. I don't feel it was abused. We were simply to excited to grow old together and weren't living the lives we have now together. That is still frustrating yet further because even though we have distant lives they are by no means too far.

Kelli drained herself. She focused on the relationship as though it was the only thing in the world. It is easy to do when you love someone, but you defiantly miss out. She sees this now but she doesn't know how not to do this. Honestly you just have to say even though I want to be with my significant other my friends are doing something. Next either go do it alone with your friends or bring your boyfriend. Regardless don't over focus on one part of your life. I understand that she had the best intentions. I am sorry that I failed to realize the toll it took on her. That is part of the problem with the distance we communicated through our actions and apparently written word works well with the both of us as well. We didn't write before the break up. Now we do, what a shame. But not seeing each other enough and not having writing we were not easily able to see each others problems. All we knew was that the other was not there same happy as happy can be self. Lesson learned.

I am hopeless I realized. I think about trying to meet a girl just like Kelli maybe better. Well no to people are alike so really I have to find new things in a woman that I like or dislike something about Kelli.The latter I feel will be nearly impossible. I am always open to new things but man it is going to be a crazy struggle. Hey if life were nice it would see so fit to put us back together. One thing I can say is I will never be bitter. I will never not do my best to place myself in someones shoes and think how they see it and what light they make of it.

I try and make light of everything. I have made light of the event s recently unfolded as can be read but now I am struggling to see any light beyond the tunnel.      

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