Thursday, November 1, 2012

life goals

Life Goals:

Be a family man
Be stable
Live to grow the soul and love to share it.

I am writing this in light of my current situation. I lost the love of my life. I lost my best friend. I lost track of my soul, my most beautiful feature (if you consider me beautiful though in my eyes everyone is!). We were in love. No doubt I believe we both still love one another but our souls needed to grow to find how to keep that moving. We needed to find ourselves. I hope that we find ourselves and one another but who knows.

I lost my soul racing to get to a place in life you honestly can't just skip to. I had a girl I loved a job and she was well on her way through school. She was beautiful in every way. We felt so natural together, but we both started living life for the destination. Not a good plan. Don't do it. Your soul will get buried trying to comprehend what you are missing. I was missing that even though I am further ahead than I should be I can't not let my soul not catch up. I was confused and slowly wasting away as I lost touch with fun. I am in a tricky spot but I still need to be a little reckless. I am to young to not be. The truth is if life stops being an adventure you aren't living. My girl was my adventure mate. I can't say how much I enjoyed living in the moment with her.

We could do seemingly anything an little bits of fun and love always emerged. It was great. Our souls will forever love one another in some way. And that is a big thing about love. love is in the soul and it is grown through the soul. Your love struggles to grow if your soul is stuck. We are both soul searching now on our own to learn again how to have a soul ready to grow in love.

I am really ADD but it has to be stream of consciousness for my soul to come out. I found that letter writing is a fabulous way to share your soul. That is something I learned from Kelli, something I will never lose. My relationships from here out will involve letter writing. You struggle to write lies the truth begs to come out.

I learned so much in so few days through writing and life is all about learning and growing. I have learned so much about life and its meaning from Kelli. I learned more depth and I understand myself better. I understand how I should live life better. There are not enough days or hours on this earth to skip anything.

Now I wonder who I will become. I know I will be crazy as my rediscover youth drives me to be, but also responsibility and caring will surely keep me growing. I want to be involved in the world. The world can teach you so much. It is beautiful. While Kelli wishes to travel and give back to the world at the same time I am content to do anything anywhere that the kinda person I am will allow of me. I am not a person that can commit to the solitude of total dedication to giving back but the chances to help where ever I am (home or abroad I will surely consider a meaningful and learning experience). I want to volunteer. I was a boy scout and i was proud of it. I was a member of the order of the arrow. Hush! its a secret haha! those service organizations grew me into so much of the man I am now and they did this through teaching the meaning of silent service. You serve without being asked, you serve anyone or anything noble and you ask for no credit. You don't put up commemorative signs or draw attention to yourself you just serve. I need that in my life and I had lost that trying to live to fast.

They say don't get caught in the hustle of life it is true your soul will suffer. Don't waste time chasing meaningless things. live in the moment and make life count!

The amount i learned from kelli is not something any book of words could hold but I write this to share with her if she chooses to read. I want you to always see my soul!

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